13 Differences between Women and Men

1. NAMES:

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer
to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT:

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in
a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change
back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS:

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS:

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS:

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP:

A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty
the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL:

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13. FINAL THOUGHT:

Any married man should forget his mistakes.

There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Marketing Concept

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.


You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very
rich.Marry him."
That's Advertising.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say
"Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten
your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for
her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say,
"By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and
says, "You are very rich.." That's Brand Recognition.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm
rich.Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback !!!!!


You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am
very rich.Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband
That's demand and supply gap.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" she turns her face towards you ------------
she is your wife !
That's competition eating into your market share.

MALE AND FEMALE SHOWERING HABITS

Shower like a woman...

Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.

Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Condition hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off.

Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails and or tweezers (if you can find them).

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed.

Shower like a man...

Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting "Way Hey!!"

Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique.

Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.

Get in shower.

Don't bother to look for wash cloth, don't need one.

Wash face.

Wash armpits.

Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.

Wash bollocks and the surrounding area.

Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.

Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.

Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.

Piss in shower.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.

Partially dry off.

Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again.

Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.

Leave bathroom light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her.